By Linda Jackson

I remember going to an AA meeting and telling a little old lady “I don’t think I really belong here”. She said “Well, what the hell are you here for then.” Politely, I tried to explain that I never drank everyday, never had a drunk driving charge against me, never missed work or had problems like the other people there. She repeated, “Then why are you here?”

I said, “Well, ocassionally when I drink I feel suicidal.” Irritated she hastily unbuttoned her high-necked blouse and exposed her wrinkled old neck that was slit from ear to ear and smiling said,“The purpose of any disease is to kill you. I think you’re in the right place honey”.

Ninety percent of the time when people commit suicides they are on drugs, alcohol or prescriptions medications. It is the thing that takes them over the edge.

Suicide and depression are anger turned inward. The minute I quit drinking, I discovered I was no longer suicidal, I was homicidal. Wow! Surprise! Surprise! I had no idea I was that angry. Fortunately, I didn’t kill anyone. I started telling people off instead. Once I stopped caring whether anyone else liked me or not, I started really loving myself. If you have a choice of loving someone else and hating yourself or hating them and loving yourself, it is healthier to do the latter.

I remember meeting a really nice man once, who told me that his sister was suicidal and he had been frustrated in trying to help her. Finally he told her “suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. An inability to see beyond where you are.”

I had a premature baby girl that died. I remember the doctor telling me. You will never forget, but someday this horrible pain will stop. He was right.

If there are drinkers in your family, it is easy to think it’s normal. It’s not!